Tattoo... Not Mr. Rourke's Buddy

Thought for the day: "Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."

The posting: Well as I approach my mid-life my old Army days desire for a tattoo has been peeking up from it's hole lately. I have even gone so far as to design my own tattoo. I wouldn;t feel comfortable with picking something out of a book. If I'm gonna wear something permanently for the rest of my life it's gonna be something that I want. You can see my design to the right. The art would go on my left shoulder and would be quite large. The small tendrels on the sides would wrap around under my arm. The Chinese symbols in the blue sky section is my wife's name... Rebecca. Then in the sun are my three kids names, Sierra, Chandler, and Amanda. I've been doing a lot of research on tattoos. I want a really good artist. We'll see if I get upi the final nerve to actually sit in the chair and let the needle run free.

Below you can see a very clever tattoo.. but what if he loses more hair? I guess it would still be funny... like he's finished mowing the whole thing? Anyway, until next time.

I'm In a Star Wars State of Mind...

Thought for the day: "The Force is like duct tape... it has a light side, a dark side, and it binds the universe together."

The posting: I just got my copy of Star Wars Episode III. Now my collection is complete. That being said... I got curious to see what funny pictures of stormtroopers I could find out on the web... man did I hit the jackpot! Here are some of my finds (the captions are mine though):


Crap! This thing doesn't take Imperial credits?! Maybe I can call collect...


Umm... this is not my speeder... crap! Not again!


Ok... I can't read anything here. I miss Tatooine... sniffle...


Ahhhh finally a moment to myself.


There's a reason it's called the Yellow Sector.


Recruitment Incentive #1: The Condos and Private Resorts


Recruitment Incentive #2: The Social Mixers


Recruitment Incentive #3: New Co-Ed Garrisons!


This kind of thing wouldn't have happened to me back in the day...

Stormtrooper Pet Peeves

11. "Bathroom in a Bag" uniform attachment gets leaky sometimes.

10. Health plan doesn't cover "laser burn."

9. Annoying hum of tie fighters makes it hard to concentrate during battles.

8. Constant "helmet hair."

7. Tired of appearing on Tatooine's Funniest Home Videos.

6. Cloned family members always bugging you for job.

5. Only thing plastic "armor" stops is you from moving quickly.

4. They only show the dumb stuff we do in the movies, none of our great accomplishments or charity work.

3. Helmet not rated for impact with control room door.

2. Nobody ever asks you how you are.

1. Never seem to find the droids you're looking for.


And for the ULTIMATE stormtroper spoof click here. (be sure to watch for the MST3K nod)

Help Desk! Thank you... please come again!

Thought for the day: "If we don't take care of our customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us."

The posting: Ok, I'm not one for calling tech support. But this trend of sending US computer support (among other industries) overseas to faceless middle-eastern call centers who try miserably at passing themselves off as US tech support has got to stop. I mean c'mon, I got a Sam Fransisco the other day... please... Sam Fransisco?

Not only is the call center useless it's just insulting to think that Corporate America thinks I'm that stupid. I know when someone is following a tech support flowchart and reading from a book. I get the same asnwers from my computer's paper manual... even if I read the French or Spanish translated sections in the back. "Ok first, have you rebooted the computer?" Ummmm... DUH!

Then after sitting a queue for two hours to even talk to a person, the end result is they can't help me over the phone and I have to ship my box into service... that or it's some third party software conflict for which they are not responsible. Makes me long for the days of pencil, paper and the good ol' punch cards of the Gizmotronic Brainiac computer.. at least back then it was a simple matter of changing a vaccuum tube every once in a while.

And now for something completely stupid

New from the Al-Qaeda Kid's Club! Our 2005 Junior Jihad Halloween costume line is available. Tired of the same old capitalist-fed boring costumes? Now you can dress up like the hero martyrs of the past. Tired of waiting in lines at the local mall candy runs? Get rid of those long lines! Get noticed and watch people stand back in amazment as you shock and awe them into doing your thing... your way! Get a few of your friends together and start your own Junior Jihad Club. Use that first ammendment right to its fullest. Is it tasteless? Sure it is and that's what makes it great! This costume is sure to get you beaten up which will prepare you for the hardships the American Zionist Infidels have waiting for you. But most of all... it's just fun. You're sure to be the talk of the neighborhood and we guarantee there will be no other costume like yours on the street. Be unique! Stand out from the crowd! Order your Junior Jihad Halloween costume today!

*Cash only, no major credit cards accepted. Seven virgins, god-like abilities and TNT not included. Not responsible for death, maming, or detainment by authorities.

The Slacker's Bible

Thought for the day: "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% persiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad."

The posting: I found this on the net. Some sage advice for corporate domination...

10 commandments for the idle (full article here)

No. 1 - You are a modern day slave. There is no scope for personal fulfilment. You work for your pay-check at the end of the month, full stop.

No. 2 - It's pointless to try to change the system. Opposing it simply makes it stronger.

No. 3 - What you do is pointless. You can be replaced from one day to the next by any cretin sitting next to you. So work as little as possible and spend time (not too much, if you can help it) cultivating your personal network so that you're untouchable when the next restructuring comes around.

No. 4 - You're not judged on merit, but on whether you look and sound the part. Speak lots of leaden jargon: people will suspect you have an inside track

No. 5 - Never accept a position of responsibility for any reason. You'll only have to work harder for what amounts to peanuts.

No. 6 - Make a beeline for the most useless positions, (research, strategy and business development), where it is impossible to assess your 'contribution to the wealth of the firm'. Avoid 'on the ground' operational roles like the plague.

No. 7 - Once you've found one of these plum jobs, never move. It is only the most exposed who get fired.

No. 8 - Learn to identify kindred spirits who, like you, believe the system is absurd through discreet signs (quirks in clothing, peculiar jokes, warm smiles).

No. 9 - Be nice to people on short-term contracts. They are the only people who do any real work.

No. 10 - Tell yourself that the absurd ideology underpinning this corporate bullcrap cannot last for ever. It will go the same way as the dialectical materialism of the communist system. The problem is knowning when...

Celebreality Check

Issue: Kidman 'devastated' about Cruise's baby

Reality Check: WHO FRIGGIN CARES! How many years have you been divorced now? You're an Oscar winner. He's an Oscar loser. LET IT GO! Get on with your life! Not like your life is that difficult is it really? Go shopping and have a grande latte. You're better off and you'll be caffinated.

Umm I Think It's a Short... Yeah Definitely a Short...

The posting: Now first I have to ask myself... is this the worst computer uh-oh I've seen? Well I'd have to answer no.. but this will do for this post. The next question is... "how cheap is that monitor?".

I mean c'mon... whatever happened to quality control? This is a pretty big meltdown. Then I have to wonder how they are going to get it off that PC case? I'm sure it's fused together. Oh and imagine the smell? Man o' man! It looks to be some kind of CAD station, but I can't be sure. Oooo what if it's a demo machine at a trade show? "Our new version of Winblows is HOT HOT HOT!"

Just imagine having to explain this one to your boss and the IT guy. Imagine what Nick Burns (the computer guy) would say about this. "You're monitor has flames coming out of it and it's melting like the witch from the Wizard of Oz? MOVE!". I forsee some payroll deductions coming up.

"Dude... you're gettin' a Dell!"

*UberMac in no way endorses or supports Dell or Nick Burns. For a real computer experience with quality and reliability... visit your local Apple store and test drive some real equipment. The saying still applies to even the computer world... "You get what you pay for!"

Batman Redux 2

Thought for the day: "In a world without boundaries.. there's no need for gates and windows."

The posting: Well if you are like me (and most people aren't) then you love Batman... i however LOVE the old Batman TV show from the 60's. The campy-ness of it was genius and who could ever beat Cesar Romero as the Joker! Batgirl was the UBER-bomb. For a 7 year old boy in the 70's, even in reruns she was yowza. Anyway, while poking around the internet I found this original trailer for the very first Batman full length movie LOL... this is no Joel Schumacher, sexually ambiguous Batman for sure...

So get out your Utility Belt, Batarang, and Bat Shark Repellant and prepare for the adventure!

Anyway... enjoy! See you same bat time... same bat channel.

You can find the trailer here.